Blue and used

Disclaimer: This is not going to be a funny post. 

I'm in a really shit mood right now to be honest. 

One because one of my bestest friends is going through something really shit right now and two because I'm feeling really used and taken advantaged off.

Firstly, people need to start being more responsible of their actions. People tend to forget that what they do to hurt themselves will eventually affect the people who genuinely care about them. 

My motto in life is to never get so caught up in my own pain that I undermine someone else's pain. I cannot allow myself to be that way. Savior complex or not, loving others has always been the one thing that has been keeping me sane. 

So it really breaks my heart when I see someone I love suffering for faults that are not even theirs to begin with and taking on responsibilities that are way too much to handle. 

If you are going through something like this right now, please always remember that:

1) You are loved

2) You will get through it

3) Blaming yourself will NOT help the situation at all

4) Feeling sorry for yourself will make you feel more shit than you already do

(this one's for you bby, I know you don't wanna call and talk, please don't despair, I love you and I promise I won't force you to go with me to spooktacular if you don't wanna)

Okay there's that and there is the fact that I am really really not that dumb. I can tell when someone is using me and you are really not being very subtle to be honest. 

If you're not gonna put in effort in even being a decent friend, we are never gonna advance beyond that. 

I don't mind helping you out, but seriously I'm starting to feel like you only text me when you need something or contacts. 

So, stop yourself. 

If you just need someone to help you with your work just be frank and say you wanna hang out because I have contacts, do not go all romantic and flirty with me because that's just rude and a bit saddening.  

I think it's BS when someone says he wants to get to know me but ends up never really asking about me. 

So check yourself or check out of my life. There's a difference between being nice and a pushover and Sammy is definitely not afraid to call it out as it is.  

PHOTO CREDITS: FEELLNG.COM

Okay rage post done. I would apologise for all the anger and sadness in this post, but I am going to keep things real on this blog so other than the funny epic fails be ready for the emotional rage stuff from time to time as well. 

Once again if you're reading this and have any thoughts you wanna convey to me, just leave a comment or contact me across my social media platforms. Gonna include my email in the information box. 

With love,

xoxo Sammy Valentina ♥

Internship (epic fail) Adventures #1

HAPPY FRIDAY YOU LOVELY PEOPLE OUT THERE :)

If you guys didn't know Sammy is currently on internship and my workplace is at Clarke Quay! :) So naturally everyday is a hunt for affordable and good food. I am so broke nowadays it's getting a bit sad. HAHA. 

Today the 4 of us (the temp staff AKA Grace, Denise, Nat and myself) went to Liang Court for lunch! I usually am the one who just follows and eats whatever. We had pretty damn good Udon today, the stock used was just so yum. 

So how the Udon place works is that you order whichever Udon you want, then you can move on to the toppings section before proceeding to pay. The toppings section was basically all the tempura stuff, which means FRIED EVERYTHING. 

So Denise and Grace was already done with their orders and stuff so it was just Nat and I left raiding the toppings section. So being the simpletons we are, we just followed whatever the label said and took whatever we wanted. Nat got sweet potato and like fried shrimp while I got the shitake mushrooms (I'm a sucker for mushrooms, acquired taste yo). TURNS OUT WE BOTH TOOK THE WRONG TOPPINGS.  

Yeah, there's my beef udon and what I thought was my shitake mushrooms (-.-)

OKAY BEFORE YOU JUDGE, please know that when Nat grabbed her "sweet potatoes" they were round, so I thought, 

"Maybe this store very cool, prepares their tempura differently, like they cut her sweet potatoes that way so maybe they put all my shitake mushrooms together and fried it altogether, HOW COOL." 

Yeah, turns out they do not label their toppings correctly, so what Nat thought was sweet potatoes turned out to be shitake mushrooms and what I thought was shitake mushroom turned out to be some fishcake thing. HAHAHAHA. 

Nat and I just died laughing when Denise told us that the labels were wrong. so yes. That's my fail for today. After lunching we walked around the supermart just freaking out about everything.

Meet my new boyfriend :) A CUDDLE IN A CUP HHEHE

Then Sammy got ice creammmmm, the really good Japanese milk flavored one.

It's no wonder why I'm so chubby >< IT'S OKAY. BOYS LIKE A LITTLE MORE BOOTY TO HOLD AT NIGHTTTT.

Aaaaaaaaand NEW BOOKS. HEHEH

Really psyched to check out Kathy Reichs because I LOVE BONES

TGIF my loves, thank you for taking the time to read this blogpost, you're amazing. Do talk to me whenever okay, I'm contactable across most social media platforms! HAVE A GREAT FRIDAY YOU AWESOME PERSON. HERE'S A HUG. -BIGHUGS- 

With love,

xoxo Sammy Valentina ♥

It's been awhile

It's been awhile since I sat down and properly typed out a blogpost. HAHA, my last post was more than a year ago. I have grown a lot since then. A lot of things have changed, HAHA, well one thing that changed big time is the fact I'm single now.

It's a bit hard being single I realised, especially since I do not know how to do this whole dating thing at all. Geez man, HOW?! SOMEONE, PLEASE TEACH ME. It's, in the words of Linda Belcher, the pre-love phase, whereby people have yet to fall in love but they are almost there.. (yes I just quoted Bob's Burgers HAHAHAH) BUT SERIOUSLY

HOW DOES DATING WORK!?

I'm like this awkward ball of anxiety and low self esteem when it comes to meeting new people. Ugh and the last guy I was REALLY INTO turns out to have a girlfriend. Why. Oh lordy why. It's okay, Sammy lives and learns, I am traumatised, but I will deal. ^^

I miss writing and sharing my thoughts. I'm gonna start this blog up again, sharing moments of my epic failures and such, really appreciate you if you're actually reading this post, please let me know if you read it so I can buy you something nice, like chocolate, sweets or a packet of chips. 

But anywho, stay tuned to more blogposts :) probably gonna share some experiences I had with dating. HAHAHHA, I'M A FAIL. GAWD. 

With love,

xoxo Sammy Valentina ♥

Coming back to the heart of worship

I've been feeling really numb lately. Like nothing else matters. It's not like anyone cares or anything but I've truly been feeling alone, spiritually. This whole holiday, I don't think I've accomplished anything worth being proud of, I just feel so utterly, annoyingly numb. I'm honestly disappointed in the person I've become. I used to say "I'm gonna fight on" and "I will never leave". But look where I am now. I just feel so helpless. It scares me. How much I really don't care anymore. How I just don't bother about how anyone is doing, whether people miss me, whether I'm becoming a bad example to people who look up to me. It scares me. Everyday I tell myself that I'm fine, it's just a phase, I'll stop this madness and return to Him soon. But lately, it seem that I have no intention of going back anymore. My prayers are so half-hearted it's as though I pray just for the sake of praying, because it's the right thing to do. 

I keep wondering what has caused me to be like this, is it really anyone's fault at all? I feel it's all some excuse for me to feel better that I'm such a horrid catholic. I just get mad so easily at Him. I just, don't know how to deal all the nonsense being thrown at me all the time. I get mad at Him when I feel abandoned by people who I trusted and love. I just don't understand why He would let people who I have tried so hard to be there for just take me for granted. I cannot stand the fact He's letting so many things in my life change. I don't do well with change. I just, don't. I don't like change. People always say change is good, but it's never easy. 

It's not that I don't believe in Him anymore, or I'm thinking about fully giving up my faith or anything, I'm just mad. And upset. AND JUST SO FRUSTRATED BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL AS CLOSE TO HIM AS I WAS BEFORE. But what makes this whole damn thing even worse is how I realized, it's my fault I drifted away. Whenever I go for mass, I make the promise to go back to Him. To be close to Him again. I always tell Him that I'm trying to be close to Him, when in truth I've given up. It makes me feel even worse to have realised that all I've been doing is the opposite of love. I can't even begin to describe the disappointment. 

All along, all I wanted to do was to love others. 

But it's so hard knowing that the people I love, have moved on without me. The community I thought I had turned out to not even qualify to be called a community, and it hurt. It really did. I know this may seem like bullshit to some of you, and may even be seen as an excuse for my just not being around. But it's just how I really feel. I just feel so... Alone. I can't even describe it in words. It's as though suddenly I don't belong anymore. It made it a lot worse when the one person, who I thought would understand my feelings and struggles, made it seem like I was a person who was just looking for an excuse to leave. I wasn't. But I took the easy way out. I decided to leave, I was tired of trying. Why bother?  

I don't even know why I'm posting all this shit all of a sudden. But last night, something truly amazing happened. I felt Him again. While I was just in the midst of saying one of my "prayers", I felt His presence again. And I realised how much I miss Him. How I miss telling Him everything and spreading love to others so they could see Him through me. I miss it. I started to feel bad. About how I've been caught up with my own jealousy, pettiness and anger, that I refused to see I was hurting people who love me and trusted me. 

If you're reading this and I've hurt you in any way by not being around or by just suddenly being gone. I really am sorry. I've been so caught up with my own hurt that I've forgotten to put others first. I really am sorry. I'm just so afraid of being judged and rejected should I ever return, that I thought it would be easier to not care. I'm so sorry. Last night, I made a promise to my Father, that I would try to come back, try to be the person I used to be. I really will try. I just hope it's not too late to come back to the heart of worship, I really am sorry. Please understand and help me.

With love,
xoxo Sammy Valentina ♥

Too tired to function

Hey guys! I'm so sorry I haven't been blogging more, but school has just ben insanely busy, like INSANELY BUSY. I've just been so tired trying to simply complete my work, sigh. Ah wells, HERE I AM. :) Blogging during lecture because yeah, I'm too tired to absorb anything. Why are there still lectures anyways? :( WE ALREADY HAVE OUR FINAL ASSIGNMENTS TO COMPLETE. MEHHHH. Hope you guys have been well! :) Hehe. 

I'm so tired, BUT I'M SO EXCITED. YAY. I can't wait to turn 18. If y'all didn't know my birthday is in March! :) I know I know it's still really far away BUT HEYYYY I'M TURNING 18. I GET TO GO WILD. I can see myself as a wild wild crazy girl. I know I'm a catholic but I'll behave.. :) to the most of my capabilities. MEHEHEHEHE. OMG I'M SO EXCITEDDDD. YIPEE. CAN'T WAIT TO GO PARTAYEEEEEE. 18 18 18. HAHAH. Okay I'm starting to wake up now, talking to myself is very interesting. Talking to me is very interesting in general, TALK TO ME. HAHAH. Okay my issues are starting. Lecture is ending! I'll blog when I have time! I love you all! :)

xoxo Sammy Valentina ♥

RAGE POST ON PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS USA.

Hello people hope you guys have been well! :) as you all should know by now THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS FOR USA IS CURRENTLY GOING ON :D So, like promised in the title, this is a rage post which is not suppose to pose as any form of insult to any of the candidates at all :), disclaimer done, so let's move on to the rage bitch part.

So this morning I tweeted something saying that we should vote for obama, it was all for fun and because I genuinely respect Obama as a person and I do think he has been a really good president for the US, plus I really LOVE the fact he is PROCHOICE. But apparently, this particular person had something against the very fact I just support Obama. He started saying things like, "HE'S PROCHOICE WHAT GOOD IS THAT?!" and things like "he says gay marriage is ok! what can the future be with him?" I didn't really understand his super strong reaction and asked him why he makes prochoice sound like a bad thing, and he replied "means you have to go against humanity's decisions. And feel free to sin against God!'. So by this point I could tell he was really super bloody against Obama just because Obama is freaking prochoice, so I decided to reply him that Obama was simply respecting people's decisions to be who they want to be, God gave a free will, so nobody really has the right to take that away. He went, "respecting is one decision, but knowing the truth is another altogether. Obama doesn't know the truth at all", at this point I really didn't want to bother arguing with him because well, I respect his decision and his views but I intend to keep mine. Oh btw, I have NO IDEA what he meant by the "truth" if you guys are having the question in your head as well. I really have NO IDEA. I just take it that he meant the truth as in the truth is to not allow gay marriages and things like that.

So I thought that episode was over, because I could really feel the tension, like I was replying him for fun but his replies were super pushy and super set in his ways. I really do love this guy as a friend, but yeah, apparently after the next episode I take it that I'm not good enough to be his friend.

So in the evening after I got home, I received a reply from THIS SAME GUY regarding another tweet of mine which I tweeted when I was in class after watching Michelle Obama's speech saying I really wanted Obama to win, and he started saying "BOO BOO! Sorry don't get personal :) hahaha" so I took it that he was joking and just replied him in a joking matter saying "IT'S PERSONAL. YOU IDIOT. HAHAH. I KIDDD :)". He suddenly replied me "I know you are a sweet catholic girl" and I'm once again in the what-the-hell-why-suddenly-pull-in-the-religion-stunt-again mode, but I still thought he was joking and I was slightly annoyed he kept trying to pull in catholicism so I just tweeted him to "don't make all catholics seem so blinded by faith eh! Pro choice! It's like PRO FREE WILL!".

He on the other hand decided to drive the conversation into a whole new other direction and went "if you say so why not we use condoms & have sex before marriage", at this point, my patience was running bloody low, so I simply replied "so if Obama isn't president, Romney can stop people from using condoms and premarital sex?" and he replies me "at least he(romney) doesn't promote it" and claimed that Christian Catholic churches forced to practice against our belief because of Obama. WHATTHEHELLLL. I was still trying to keep the conversation fun and non-personal so I just said "Obama doesn't promote, hahah, accepting doesn't equal promoting" and I decided to drop in the "love thy neighbor" quote in there as well. Just love everyone equally, we're not God to judge, if God can love gays equally, what gives us the right to discriminate them and not give them equal jobs?! 

He then replies, the most fucking offensive tweet I've ever gotten EVER, "well I guess you got blinded by secularism congrats the devil has won u:) cheers all the best". That was fucking low. Fucking brainless. Fucking uncalled for. I was so pissed off, I still am. If y'all didn't know I get really pissed when people comment on others' faith lives. Not just mine. No one has the bloody right to deem anyone "less holy" than he or she is. Honestly, WHO HE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS?! I think it's utter bullshit that JUST BECAUSE I SUPPORT OBAMA, I'M AN ATHEIST. 

The worst part is he continues to make a huge deal about it saying I MADE A MISTAKE. Whatthehell. Really. No idea what his problem is. If he was gonna talk religious, he's the one with tattoos and shit 

"Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord." - Leviticus 19:28

please by all means don't be a pretentious idiot, self righteous fool.

I really get super annoyed when people blame Obama for everything, the recession, gay's existence, premarital sex etc, please don't be so bloody deluded that THESE THINGS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF OBAMA WASN'T PRESIDENT. I think it's never okay to bring in someone's religion, ever. Okay. It's not okay to say it's not personal and then pull in my religion.

The best part is that he's making it seem like I asked for his opinion when I really wasn't, he replied my tweets and he was super stuck up and set in his ways. Annoying asshole. He based his whole ANTI OBAMA thing on this ONE SMALL AREA ALONE. NARROW MINDED DOUCHE.

Just to be cleared I'm not promoting homosexuality at all, I'm just like Obama, I'm prochoice, it's not my life, I have no right to dislike them or disrespect them because they're humans just like ME. They are created by God and they are LOVED by Him as well. No one has the right to look down on them or take away their freedom or rights.

I STILL WANT OBAMA TO WIN. BITE ME.

Peace out people! :)
xoxo
Sammy Valentina ♥

Sorta first official day of school :D

Heyyy guyyys :D 

So today was like, the FIRST official day of school since yesterday was IS, so it doesn't really count :). So, in the morning I kinda overslept :/ by like 10 mins. IT'S ALOT OKAY. When you live like halfway across the country from your school, 10 mins is really a lot of time :(. So yeah, I rushed a shower and practically flew out of the house. I was like deliberating between taking the shuttle bus or 151e in the shower. Usually by the time I get to the shuttle bus the queue will be really long, and since it's the first day of school and everything I thought it would really be alot longer than usual, but if I took 151e I would have to CROSS THE OVERHEAD BRIDGE TO SCHOOL. THE HORROR. Ah wells, in the end I stuck to taking 151e, since I took it before and even though it's costly, it really doesn't make a difference since I keep forgetting to buy my bus concession and I'm paying the adult fare since I'm in poly. (pfffft) Haha, the bus was CRAZY CROWDED I TELL YOU. Thank God, I stay closer to the interchange so I managed to get a seat :D whoot whoot! HAHA, met up with Denise at munch and we headed to class together, we kinda threw away half a cup of our drinks each :( oopsie. It was SUPER AWKWARDDDD when we reached the class coz everyone was just doing their own thing and like, we didn't even know anyone there. It was really really awkward.

Even when our tutorial started, we still didn't know half our classmates' names. OMG, to be honest, I know their names coz I keep checking mel for the groups and stuff. But we really didn't talk at all. SOOO AWKWARD. HAHA, gracomm was okay I guess :), so far I'm fineee with it I? I LOVE THE LECTURER :D HE'S SO CUTE, LIKE A LITTLE ASIAN SANTA CLAUS! THE WAY HE TALKS AND EVERYTHING. But yeah, the software has a lot more stuff compared to photoshop :( so I'm very very concerned considering the fact I really suck at photoshop or anything related to digital stuff at all. -sigh- Hopefully I'll get the hang of it soon :(

After class, Denise and I went to Sakae sushi after getting my new textbooks. OH MY GOSH, THE TEXTBOOKS ARE SO HEAVY AND EXPENSIVE. THEY COST NEARLY $70. NOT COOL MAN. NOT COOL. Lunch at Sakae went a lot better than expected :) Hee. Was really great seeing Denise again! Gracine and Gabrielle joined us after awhile. Omg, there was this one moment whereby Denise was showing the "LOSER" hand sign and asked Gabby to read the hand, both Gabby and I said "L" at the same time. HAHAH. It was really really funny! After lunch we had a 5 hour lecture. SUPER EXCITING. I'll blog more when I get home or something :D need to head to church for wedding rehearsal! :)

With Love, 

Sammy Valentina ♥

P.S WATCH THE PEPSI COMMERCIAL WITH BEYONCE, PINK AND BRITNEY IN IT. HOT HOT STUFF.