Sunday, January 3, 2016

I'm sorry I am not made out to be an influencer, here are some updates tho


I am so sorry, obviously if I were to be paid to do my Youtube videos and my blogposts, I would starve to death. But if people were to really pay me to post stuff I would be more than interested of course feel free to hit me up and we can talk about it. 

I am actually a very inappropriate person so if you want to really know my deepest thoughts and desires, you gotta work for it mate. HAHAH.

So quick overview of what this blogpost is gonna be about: 


So the last time I blogged I mentioned that I was headed to Uni, and uni has been a pretty odd and unsettling albeit fruitful experience so far. Can I just take this opportunity to highlight to those who are looking to go overseas for your further education that it is not all unicorns, rainbows and DEFINITELY NO PROMISE OF THE SUN. 

It's not that different from Poly tbh, but yeah, if you're headed to foreign land be prepared for accents that will take some getting used to and also the fact that assignment briefs can be the most confusing time. Also, be prepared to read A LOT because the seminars are crazy interactive and you may be singled out to give your thoughts on the readings. 

I've been settling in quite well with my classes I would say, but the assignments really stress me out because they are definitely not as detailed as what I'm used to back home in Singapore and it really makes me doubt myself on whether I even did an assignment right.

So at this point I would really like to ask you guys to pray for me, or just send me positive vibes if that's not your kinda thing. I would really appreciate it a million because I really need it. Like I really want to make my dad fking proud so I really need to do well in school. 

But overall I met a few awesome peeps from around the world who make class worth going for and I'm eternally thankful for them. I feel like I'm always the most excited person to be in class even though I whine about the morning lessons, because there are some really awesome people who make the class good. :) you guys are so lovely please don't change. 

I really want to make it a point to get to know more people from wherever so please please drop me a msg if you're in Newcastle or just in the same timezone and looking for a friend :). Please take note I am not DTF or looking for anything specifically in that area, sooooooo please don't drop me texts that will make me uncomfy thank you xoxo. 

Moving onto my Youtube channel... Hehhhhhh I did start it, but I never followed through, here I would like to sincerely apologise to whatever fans I have (lol) mostly GABBY, XAV and DEBBY I'm so sorry guys I know you guys looking forward to my videos, but my time has been spent on school and trying waaaaay too hard for the people around me. 

No more, I promise I will set aside time to put in a bit more effort to do up the channel <3. Please bear with me guys, I'll definitely work a bit harder on producing a bit of content at least for you three. I love you guys, thank you for being the few who believe I have any star quality at all. You guys are so precious to me, I don't say it enough. But yeah, just be a little patient with me, I'm reworking all my priorities right now for the year and one of my priorities is gonna be me for once. 

The rest of you feel free to tell me what kinda content y'all wanna see on the channel k, other than the occasional covers I want it to be a platform for me to voice my thoughts on certain topics. So, would be interesting to tackle some of the stuff y'all toss in my way :). (SEX IS ALWAYS FUN TO TALK ABOUT BTW, SO, LIKE FEEL FREE TO PITCH THINGS MY WAY) -WINKWINK-

Okay so, this is a huge part of why I wanted to blog tonight. Been feeling a little emotional these few days thinking of going back to Newcastle, because I just feel so loved here in Singapore and life has been tough in Newcastle for some reason. 

I have this habit of putting others' needs before me and I have difficulty raising up times when I am unhappy or hurt. So it's really no one's fault when I'm down in Newcastle and I feel so alone tbh. 

But yeah, I've just been borderline depressed in NCL for a long time now because I just feel so unlike me. I'm constantly thinking I'm not good enough in NCL and I think it's because I feel so useless unable to really be there for the ones I love back in SG and feeling like I'm not good enough for those in NCL. I basically reduced myself into a ball of insecurities and I'm a damn wreck that needs to get it together. 

So yes, I learnt after my short time back in SG that I need to start thinking of myself before I can really be there for others as well. 

A wise friend told me: Sometimes your saying 'no' is good for others, you need to start seeing it this way because you tend to put others before yourself. 

You know who you are and you know I love you because you fking get me and put it into words. :) <3 thank you. 

This week back home really helped me gain perspective of what I was doing wrong in NCL and I'm going back a happier and stronger person both emotionally and physically I feel. So, yall brace yourself for a different Sammy. I'll focus a bit more on myself so that I can love y'all better and more selflessly. #scoutshonouryall 

So no more pining for validation and putting others waaaaay waaaaaaaaay before myself. I'm gonna love myself a bit more. :) So if I'm a bit selfish this year, I think it's warranted because I haven't been all for Sammy for awhile, if you cannot deal with it, maybe you need to start thinking for me a bit too. I don't know, just something to think about hahah. 

But yeah, here are some of the awesome people who made my life bearable in NCL, this is not all of them, but these people really helped a whole lot, if y'all ever do see this, please know I love yall. 
Bunny boo <3 aka burden barnes HAHAHA
Texas Princess Alaina <3
Jack <3
Gracine baby <3
Sigh until today I do not get why they took squat goals so literally.
That's Charlotte on the far right. <3
Rude Ryan at the back.
And them burdens on rotation crew. HAHAH.

Okay so the last and most EXCITINGGGGG PARTTTTT. I'm gonna be going around in 2016, heh. 
  • Headed to Japan for Chinese New Year in Feb (what is school?)
  • Going down to Birmingham to catch ATL and GC in Feb as well 
  • Might be spending my Valentine's in London this one isn't confirmed yet, so if anyone would like to be my Valentine, please let me know -winkwink-
  • Should be traveling in March with Gracine around UK 
  • Glasgow(?) still thinking on this one, because it will mostly be a whiskey trip HAHAHA
  • There may be plans to head to Amsterdam in March as well to catch up with Seb and Steph
So yeah, that's the first half of the year traveling plans uh, if any of you would like to jump in on any do let me know, all but the last one should be open invites HAHAH. So yeah, if you've made it this far in the post please know I love you so much for even bothering to read this and keeping up with me. I love you so much and you are so precious to me. -hugs- I'll just throw in a couple of photos for your visual entertainment. HAHAH, I'm so full of shit. This is featuring those who really made me feel so loved in the short time I have been back. <3 Y'all mean so much to me I will see y'all in June my loves.
My awesome Tiger Ng.
I'm gonna miss my grandma so fking much when I go back to NCL it is unreal I am damn needy, but this woman is my rock. <3
My hotstuff crew. Never change yall. 
Amanda and Lourdy <3 some things never change bebs.
Melmel. heh. Girlfriends4lyfe.

Once again please feel free to contact me via any of my social media channels. I have snapchat too! @sammycharlotte :) so feel free to hit me up any time. I reserve the right to ignore anyone who creeps me out tho. Please remember that you are loved and never alone. -hugs- I promise to try and update this deadass blog as much as possible k I'm so sorry again. HAHAH.

With love,
xoxo Sammy Valentina 

No comments:

Post a Comment